Once more, the Hollywood Foreign Press Corps has forced us into an emergency situation, therefore I am announcing the winners associated with the 1996 Drive-In Academy Awards one week early. The belated statement this year had been considered to be hampering peace efforts both in Bosnia therefore the Golan Heights, as otherwise cooperative parties became grumpy while waiting for term from Grapevine.

Henceforth, without further adieu, our category that is first is.

Best Airhead Sex movie Turnaround, a jungle-sex that is erotic about an unemployed actress whom daydreams about consuming hallucinogenic jungle juice with nekkid Indians and achieving crazy intercourse like they do in paperback novels. She gets her opportunity whenever she is chased by masked gunmen towards the Costa valley that is rican of white-faced, sex-crazed, flesh-worshipping, cuckoo-juice-drinking natives.

Most readily useful Director The runners-up are. Kim Henkel, Return associated with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Jack Perez, America’s Deadliest Residence Movie. Fred Olen Ray, Attack for the 60-Foot Centerfold. Anthony Waller, Mute Witness. Howard Winters, Dead Boyz Cannot Fly. And also the champion is. George Saunders, Intimate Deception and Street Angels.

Most useful Sci-Fi Flick Cyberstalker: fundamental Instinct satisfies Tron in Newt Gingrich’s worst nightmare, the storyline of the nerdy, geeky cybersurfing femme fatale who loves her computer a great deal she’s got intercourse along with it and becomes half-woman, half-computer, then kills whomever doesn’t always have the appropriate respect for great computer pc software.

Most useful Actor The runners-up are. Danny Bonaduce, America’s Deadliest Residence Video, because the video clip nerd whom falls deeply in love with the weapon moll on a cross-country killing spree.

Robert Davi, The Dangerous, being a motorcycle-riding lone wolf who talks Japanese and knows the thoughts of killer ninjas, therefore the police chief brings him away from your your retirement and turns him loose with a few attack tools in a cemetery high in medication goons.

Therefore the champion is. George Saunders, Intimate Deception, given that haunted musician surrounded by nekkid women who can not realize why he gets plenty sex in a single film; and Street Angels, because the wisecracking cop who makes long speeches in regards to the fighting abilities of seafood.

Most readily useful Actress The runners-up are. Debbie Rochon, Abducted II: The Reunion, while the junk-food-eating redhead whom describes her boyfriend that is old saying, “we like pets. “

Kathy Shower, Married People, solitary Intercourse 2: For Better or more serious, once the ignored spouse packing up all her stuff, putting the children within the place wagon, and having from the lying no-good scumball she’s hitched to.

As well as the champion is. Steen, Turnaround, while the blonde that is oversexed daydreams about planing a trip to Costa Rica, consuming some weird jungle medications, and having sex to a nekkid Indian while he finger-paints all over her body–but settles for hot intercourse with goofball con man Fred Lehne.

Breast Actress The runners-up are. Paula Barbieri, The Dangerous, whilst the mystical girlfriend whom wears a micromini and high heel shoes for the movie, such as the scenes where she is being chased by mobsters with automated tools.

Lissa Boyle, buddy regarding the Family, because the hot-to-trot child known at the senior school as a United Method Agency; and Intimate Deception, because the knockout nude model who really really loves her work, saying, “I have a look at myself as an important ingredient within the art of creation. “

Theresa Morris, Private Lessons: Another tale, the hot party that is little whom simply keeps dancing down on the roof regarding the fashionable South Beach disco, where then she strips and does the Horizontal Hustle right in front of a neon indication.

J.J. North, Attack associated with the 60-Foot Centerfold, into the name part, for saying, “Help me personally, i am huge! ” and, “I’m a girl–i that is big look after myself. “

As well as the champion is. Patti Davis, Playboy Celebrity Centerfold: Patti Davis, wherein she reveals her weakness for “guys in undershirts and tattered jeans that turn out to be your downfall”–a choice this is certainly somehow associated with her memories of bodysurfing along with her dad.

“Water has been a rather healing thing for me personally, ” she states, prior to a hunk walks out from the surf and begins kissing every inch of her hula-skirted bod.

This is certainly prior to the sci-fi dream where she dresses such as a hooker, dials within the right guy therefore the perfect girl on her behalf computer, then waits into a sandwich for them to appear in a cloud of dry ice, tie her to the bed, and basically make her.

Most useful Femme-Fatale Shauna O’Brien, buddy for the Family, while the walking Goodwill box who rings the doorbell 1 day, presents by by herself to your stepmom as a classic buddy of a buddy, and ultimately ends up set up into the visitor home, where she’s got intercourse with everybody in the household.

Most Breasts Playboy Celebrity Centerfold: Patti Davis: 90.

Most readily useful Movie The runners-up are. Attack associated with 60-Foot Centerfold, the epic featuring J.J. North given that ditzy blonde whom takes just a couple of a lot of breast-enhancement medications and ultimately ends up stomping around Malibu such as the Godzilla Illustrated swimsuit problem.

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Return regarding the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the initial decent sequel towards the best drive-in movie ever made, about two prom-night partners whom have lost down on the road, in which a creepy redneck known as W.E. Roams around in a satanic wrecker, gathering figures and quoting literary works and trapping teen-age girls in gunny sacks.

Plus the champion is. America’s Deadliest Home Video, the best movie ever produced in Racine, Wisconsin, starring Danny Bonaduce being a nerdy spouse in deep love with their camcorder whom eventually ends up operating through the law with three convenience-store professionals who decide they kinda like having their exploits recorded on tape.

Spinal Tap satisfies Natural Born Killers. Yet https://www.camsloveaholics.com/asiancammodels-review again, we’d no overlap using the other honors utilizing the term “Academy” into the name (copyright suit pending).

C. 1996 Joe Bob Briggs (written by NYT Unique Features)