You’re not likely actually in search of a script, as you probably learn how to phrase choosing to keep a social situation politely.

We suspect what you would like is a magical phrase to make sure that the rapey asshole of a(n ex-)boyfriend will not respond poorly in the event that you work out agency in many ways he dislikes, and there isn’t this kind of expression, because he is a rapey asshole. All that you may do on your own end (after dumping his ass and locking straight straight down their usage of you – if you should be concerned about him reacting defectively to no in the moment, perhaps you are well encouraged to be concerned about relatiation whenever you dump him) is look as well as see if there have been any warning flag you ignored, resolve doing better about breaking up with individuals whom exihibit them immediately if that’s the case , and strive to alter our social norms to make certain that individuals (both would-be perpetrators and would-be or actual victims) can better recognize exactly what comprises intimate attack and realize that it is categorically maybe not fine.

But none of the is what you did incorrect, and I also buy into the other people that the 3rd seems like a decentish guy.

(a very important thing could have been for him to shut your boyfriend down whenever he attempted to get him to screw you in breach of one’s stated wishes, kick (ex-)Boyfriend away, while making certain you had been safe until such time you could hook up with a buddy or member of the family, though perhaps not attempting to risk learning to be a target himself, particularly since my read the following is that there surely is a significant possibility you might have sided along with your rapey boyfriend, is understandable. ) The advice in what can help you is sensible, perhaps perhaps not an project of culpability; regrettably, provided that assholes occur, there is no way that is magic prevent them totally, or even to just cause them to not be assholes. Real time, learn, and move ahead.

Addendum: Third is eligible for his boundaries and conditions for intercourse, too; I do not also concur that insisting on condomless intercourse and making if it is instead of offer can be a move that is asshole.

LW was not any longer entitled to have the sex that is particular desired than either associated with guys had been; she is entitled only to n’t have sex she does not desire and have now intercourse that is mutually consensual. Her a bitch as a result, sure, he’s an asshole, but agreeing to only have sex under certain conditions – even ill-advised conditions like unprotected sex with strangers – and leaving if that’s not on offer is proper boundary behavior, not asshole behavior if he did something like actually call. We wish individuals to keep if whatever they want – the ONLY thing they want – is not one thing one other individual is enthusiastic about doing, as opposed to, state, pressuring another individual to disregard zir stated boundaries until ze cracks.

After which i got eventually to BucksFan’s follow-up remark; ok, Third ended up being additionally an asshole. If only it had been more straightforward to write my ideas them to a bad connection or browser crash – that way I could go back and delete things rendered redundant or incorrect by later comments – but it’s already enough of a pain to switch tabs to check parts of the letter and scroll up and down to read comments and then type on my phone without adding in swapping back and forth between a word processing app as I go without the risk of losing.

@44: we had been disagreeing since it did not match that which was stated, not as a result of sex. Being a female does not magically make a person’s perception accurate or insulate one from self-serving as well as just erroneous perception or recall. Shouting “Patriarchy! ” to shut down any moment somebody does not immediately accept a lady’s viewpoint is not feminism (not least because 100% of females do not agree on a regular basis, therefore if two females disagree about a matter of known fact or jugdment, it is not also an alternative to trust both women by standard), it is simply imperious narcissism.

@61: if you wish to phone law enforcement (and that could be your best option in many cases), opt for, “My boyfriend is attempting to persuade another guy he brought over here to rape me personally. ” Re: 62, i might never be using your (ex-)boyfriend’s advice concerning what comprises red flags (you HAVE dumped him, no? ).